Sunday, November 23, 2014

Psalm 27:14

WOW! What a weekend it has been. Over the past two years I have learned more about life, God, and the power of people than I have in my 27 years being alive all put together. Every day there is a new lesson to be learned, but every once in a while there is a "MONUMENTAL IN YOUR FACE EXPLOSION!” Jason and I most definitely had one of those explosive moments this weekend and I am once again in complete awe of the possibilities around us.


A little back story: Since sending our little angel, Rowan, back home in May a lot has changed around here. It would probably take me until next Christmas to explain all the ways our lives have changed. Our marriage and faith and comfort in God have been forever changed for the better. Everyone goes through horrible things in their lives, and I truly believe that there is a purpose for each and every one of those things. It is so cliché to say "Everything happens for a reason". Trust me, sometimes I want to scream when I hear people say that. Psalm 27:14 says so very plain and simple "Trust in the Lord. Have faith, do not despair. Trust in the Lord."  Well that sounds pretty simple right? That's all we need to do! Yea right, not that easy sometimes. This seems impossible when we are going through those horrible times. I think it is human nature to think about only things in close proximity during those times. We want to know why, how, and is there a way out and we want those answers NOW. When I was faced with what I thought was so unfair and it was unfathomable that I would ever move on, that is exactly how I thought. Throughout our journey through infertility, sickness and loss I have flipped back and forth from having the strongest faith imaginable to sometimes being just down right mad. Some days I feel like I am so strong and I am on top of it all!  Other days I feel like I am the weakest person in the world and I can show you the craziest mess of emotions you have ever seen! Crazy girl stuff :) But, on those weak days I remind myself of what was written in the big book. “Trust in the Lord. Have faith, do not despair. Trust in the Lord."
I am not claiming to know anything about the right and wrong way to deal with anything that life throws me. I do know that I have tried many things in my life to get where I want to be and love the life I'm living. When Jason and I were faced with the suffering of infertility and then loss, we both knew that the only one who could truly help us was God. Now, this sounds like I am saying that every friend, family member, and even stranger that has helped carry us over the past year and a half did not play the important role that they did. That is not the case at all. When we decided that we had to put all of our trust in Him and let go of the idea of "What can WE do to change things?” everything changed. Honestly, it's because there is absolutely nothing you can do alone to change anything.  

With all that being said, since beginning our journey, we have learned so many things. One thing being that the power of people caring for each other is the greatest physical force that there is on this earth. The people that I have come across going through similar things as Jason and myself and the lifelong friends we have made because of it are mind-blowing. We as humans are not strong enough to stand alone. Hmm, maybe that's why it is natural for us to live as families. :) No matter what it is that you are going through, there is someone else out there going through the same thing. If you are willing to help someone in a time of need, I can almost promise you that you will have someone there for you when it's your turn. Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone just helped take care of each other? I have experienced this in a way that I never even imagined possible. Since originally being urged by God to share our story, I have had so many people reach out to me and tell me their stories of infertility or loss. The connections and bonds that have been made over such a tragic loss teach me something new every day. This past weekend we participated in an event that was designed to bring awareness to the diagnosis of infertility, something that until now was very hush hush. The God sent people at Sarah's Laughter made the Baby Steps 5K and IVF giveaway possible. A lot of people feel so very alone in their struggle with infertility. Well this weekend over 1,000 people gathered together to prove that we are not alone in this. The support and love was so overwhelming that I just could not stop the flow of tears...seriously, all day. I was a basket case. Just looking around at all of the people that are going through the exact same thing as Jason and I are going through and seeing all of their friends and families was almost too much to handle. Most importantly, yesterday there was an amazing amount love and support being shared between absolute strangers. 

The angel that is Dr. Bobby Webster donated his services that included an IVF cycle to one couple that would be raffled off at the end of the race. For those who may not know IVF stands for In vitro fertilization and for many couples this is what is necessary for them to have a baby. This is process is not a small financial bill and many people cannot afford it. Some people spend their entire life savings on the hope of having their own little one. Jason and I have tried a few different medications and procedures since getting pregnant with Rowan and have been unsuccessful. After our last attempt with IUI, we were told it was time to move on to the next step. We both knew that we could not afford the next step (IVF) and decided that it was time to put our dream of a little one to rest for a while. Every single person at the Baby Steps 5K was so deserving and I was so happy just knowing that one of these families was going to be blessed with this once in a lifetime opportunity.
When Beth Forbus, founder of Sarah's Laughter, read out the winner and MY name came out of her mouth I was in complete disbelief and all I could do is sob. Out of the 27 years that I have been alive, this moment was the most emotional moment I have ever had and we will forever be in debt to everyone who was involved. When we woke up this morning we both could not stop saying "Is this really happening to us?” It feels like a dream and no one will ever understand how much gratitude we feel. We both feel like our hearts could explode at any moment now. I have pretty much cried for 24 hours now and don't see any end in sight :). If someone ever tells you that God is not real or he doesn't care and love us, you just send them to me. I'll be sure to let them know they are so wrong. Jason and I are over the moon excited to being planning the next stage in our life and can't wait to share it with our growing family. We are so blessed to have such a fast growing family of blood relatives, lifelong friends and the new friends we meet every day.


So I know I am not a professional writer and I am all over the place, I just feel like there is so much to be said about how amazing this whole experience has been lately. If you get anything out of this at all I hope it is this: Be there for someone, never underestimate the power of prayer and people, and most importantly, understand that every single life has a purpose no matter how small. Jason and I's first miracle shows us every single day what her purpose was, and it's a big one.

1 comment:

  1. I came over from Little Mrs. Married's blog and what an amazing story!! God has a plan for sure. I will be praying for you!